I think as a society we generally like to associate the term ?anniversary? with happy or momentous occasions like your grandparent?s 50th wedding anniversary or the anniversary of man landing on the moon; however anniversaries aren?t always causes for celebration. Anniversaries, unfortunately, can also mark a specific date when something bad happened, or someone was taken from us, and at those times, just like with the happy ones, we come face to face with the events that occurred in previous years on that particular day.
Yesterday, May 15th, was the date which marked the one-year anniversary of when my Aunt Karen passed, and as I looked back at the last year without her I couldn?t help but lament the fact that I could never enjoy the day May 15th again due to what it now signifies. Next year it will mark the two-year anniversary of her death, and eight years after that my Aunt Karen will have been gone for a decade, but regardless of how many years pass May 15th will always be a dark day for me.
The day before Karen passed, on May 14th, I was struggling to cope with another inauspicious anniversary since that day marked the two-year anniversary (of sorts) since Barbara and I broke up. Whether you want to call it fate, or sheer coincidence, is worth is up to you; however I think there?s something (although I?m not exactly sure what) to be taken from those two events in my life happening a year apart.
Two of the most difficult things I have had to deal with in my life were the death of my Aunt and losing Barbara, and I think there is something tragically poet about the fact that their anniversaries are on consecutive days. In some ways it would seem as though the fates did me a favor since now the two most difficult anniversaries for me to deal with fall on successive days ? allowing me to lead my normal life on the 363 in between.
I will never be able to get either of them back. I haven?t seen or even spoken to Barbara in well over a year, and the closest I can come to seeing Karen is in the pictures I?ve collected of her, and us, over the years. Please don?t mistake my linking the two events to mean that I consider Barbara to be ?dead to me?; however I took the loss of our relationship (right or wrong) in a similar way to Karen?s death.
Perhaps some would say that it is disrespectful to compare the end of a relationship to the death of a loved one, but regardless I think that any events where we feel a desperate sense of loss are fair to view in a similar light. I actually didn?t go to visit my Aunt?s grave on the precise anniversary of her death, but rather went the day before with my Uncle Ron; however the impact on being back at the cemetery was chilling nonetheless.
However in spite of the similarities I choose to associate with losing Karen and Barbara there is one main difference between the two events that I?ve come to realize with the recent one-year anniversary of Karen?s passing. The distinction that I?ve noticed is that when the one-year anniversary of Barbara and mine?s break up was approaching last year I was feeling more confident with each day that I could live without her; however with Karen the feeling has been much different.
Even though there is only one Barbara, I know that the void in my life that was created when we broke up will eventually be? filled when I find someone who makes me as happy as she did; however I can?t find another Aunt Karen. Our relationship was unique?? it was one of a kind, and it can never be replaced or replicated, and be completely honest I don?t even want to try at this point because even a year later I?m not yet ready to begin attempting to fill that void.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.